every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
