This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Enjoy the penises
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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