Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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