So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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