i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
