everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
