She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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