Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Less talking, more tequila
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
