You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
