So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
