Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
