Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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