plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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