Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
