Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
