Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he thought i was a dude.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize