"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize