at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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