Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
