I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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