it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
