Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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