dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm having to shit out rocks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
