you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Apparently you make a good broom.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
