hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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