Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
