I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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