Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
