: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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