i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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