you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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