she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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