The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
