I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
