Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
