A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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