He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
