I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
