why didn't you poke me back
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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