i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
