that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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