I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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