Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
