So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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