i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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