Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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