Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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