Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
