I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize