super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
