question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
