If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
