You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice