if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.