im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now