Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Everclear isn't food dammit