Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Not half as good looking as paul

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge

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  (248): That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul (313): Not half as good looking as paul (248): I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge http://tfl.nu/0tcw
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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  (508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx
  Replies (149) Good night (3544) Bad night (2208)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.

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  (717): I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better. http://tfl.nu/z41g
  Replies (13) Good night (4665) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

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  (401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1
  Replies (12) Good night (1188) Bad night (3599)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Actually, she's fat now, so...

  (817): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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  (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but... (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so... (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson. http://tfl.nu/7993
  Replies (27) Good night (2102) Bad night (5276)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice

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  (512): Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice http://tfl.nu/6dv2
  Replies (8) Good night (3192) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.

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  (603): Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays. http://tfl.nu/na3q
  Replies (4) Good night (691) Bad night (1564)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.

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  (415): My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me. http://tfl.nu/kvah
  Replies (7) Good night (921) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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  (716): I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming. http://tfl.nu/r1ch
  Replies (6) Good night (1629) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

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  (937): They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed. http://tfl.nu/xvv6
  Replies (16) Good night (1149) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.

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  (775): My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock. http://tfl.nu/3cuy
  Replies (10) Good night (1418) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?

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  (+61): Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok? http://tfl.nu/xxuu
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys

  (703): View more from Virginia

  That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard

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  (334): I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys (703): That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard http://tfl.nu/zqx5
  Replies (1) Good night (1147) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart

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  (847): Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart http://tfl.nu/hca3
  Replies (4) Good night (916) Bad night (193)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway

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  (610): My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway http://tfl.nu/w6q4
  Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (98)

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