why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
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You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out