I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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