The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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The chlamydia really affected his face.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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