i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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