there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
