I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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