Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
