It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
