I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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