I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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