I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
