At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
