Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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