Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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