i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did i walk over a car last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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