I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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