How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
