Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
