i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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