She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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