Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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