you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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