Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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