You work out of a Hotel?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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