I'm so fucking centered right now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
