I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
