dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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