he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
