4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
