Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
