and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
