Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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