i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
