I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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