the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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