I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
